


Summer

by queensusan



Series: Pranks and Consequences [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Animagus, Blow Jobs, Bottom James, Bottom Severus, M/M, Rimming, Romance, Sex Swing, Top James, mentions of domestic abuse, top severus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensusan/pseuds/queensusan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus joins James for a week at his home during the summer, and it alters the entire course of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Severus had planned, altered, and packed his clothing to take to James' within two days of school ending and an entire month before he was scheduled to leave. Tailoring and lengthening the trousers in his meager wardrobe had provided a welcome distraction from the crashes and shouts from below the floorboards of his room, and Merlin knew he'd had little else to do other than wander Cokeworth or attempt to draw Lily away from her considerably more active social life. 

At times he felt like he would never have survived the summer if not for the anticipation of a week away from his home. As he'd turned seventeen in January, this was the first summer he'd come home a legal adult, and his father had made no secret of the fact that he wouldn't have been disappointed if Severus hadn't returned. Although he thought perhaps his mother may have been pleased to see him, she was too worn down by care and abuse to outwardly show it. Severus had given up his attempts to separate his mother and father years ago; his father had some hold over his mother Severus would never understand, and reasoning, threats and cajoling had never done anything to make his mother choose what was best for both her and her son. By this point in his life it was less painful to simply never see her, and he would have gladly gone and never come back, if he'd had any alternatives. But Severus was high on enemies and low on friends, and had had no other options.

Finally the week of summer he'd looked forward to most arrived. He hadn't bothered to ask permission, but he'd spent an hour getting ready, cleansing and attempting to style his shoulder length black hair. The time away from the potions lab had improved the texture, leaving it softer and with wave and body it didn't normally have. Paired with carefully tailored black trousers and a Muggle style button up shirt, Severus was cautiously pleased with what he saw in the dingy, chipped mirror in his bedroom. 

He felt like he was finally growing into his frame: not only had he grown drastically in the past year, but his shoulders were broader and his formerly emaciated frame was filling out with slight, stringy definition. There was nothing that could be done about his uneven teeth and thin lips, or the large, hooked nose that dominated his face, but knowing someone found even his faults sensual went a long way towards making him see something in the mirror that didn't make him cringe. 

Severus turned one last time to admire the way his painstakingly tailored trousers showed off his arse, flushing a little at his own vanity, and then turned to the ragged suitcase he'd done his best to repair. He snapped the lid closed, magically shrunk it, and slipped it into his pocket. He breathed deeply, to prepare himself for one last obstacle, and left his bedroom. 

His parents were in the sitting room. His mother, her mouth pinched and her posture rigid, perched on the edge of the shabby armchair she favored and his father lounged on the couch, a beer in his hand and the television remote in the other.

Severus stopped in the door, half in and half out, not wanting to commit to the conversation anymore than was necessary. “I'm going to be gone for a week. I'm staying with a friend.”

His parents reluctantly looked up at him and Severus felt like his back was in danger of snapping, it became suddenly so stiff.

His father gave Severus one unpleasant, penetrating gaze that took in his styled hair and his fitted clothing in one cold, dismissive glare. “What sort of friend?” he asked suspiciously, and Severus felt his face burn with fury and shame to be related to him, a Muggle and an ignorant one, at that. 

“From school,” he snapped, and his father sat up now, his hair trigger temper clearly having been aroused. Severus sighed internally and shot a glance at his mother, who in typical fashion had little to say, though her gaze was impotent and a little resentful. She never did anything- just took the abuse and tried to deflect it from Severus. 

“Well you look like a faggot, son, and I want to know what sort of 'friend' you're seeing.”

Severus saw red, and though he knew his mother would never forgive him for disturbing the fragile peace of their household, he spoke before he could plan or regret it. “Well that's appropriate as I _am_ a faggot and I'm going to stay with my boyfriend for a week,” he snarled.

His father's ugly face went white and he struggled to his feet. “You'll watch your tongue, boy, or-” he began, beginning to unbuckle his belt for one of his epic thrashings.

“No!” Severus shrieked and he had his wand out and lashing through the air before he'd managed to pull the belt off, his spell freezing his father's hands to the leather. Snape stilled, his beedy eyes on his son. Severus' mother had directed her gaze back to her knitting, though her mouth was tighter and more pinched than ever. “You'd raise your wand to me...” he said through gritted teeth, and Severus gave a furious scoff. 

“Why do you tolerate this pig?” he said to his mother, who ducked her head lower and knitted faster. She'd be the one to suffer his father's anger, he knew, and though it was her choice he'd never stopped wanting to protect her, even long after it had become apparent he could do nothing. Another slash of his wand. “Obliviate!”

His father's expression grew slack and he dropped back to the couch. He looked up at his son in confusion, but before he could inquire what Severus wanted, he turned to leave. His mother had made her decision to be mired in misery, poverty and neglect, but that didn't mean Severus had to do the same.

“Goodbye,” he said stonily, and exited the sitting room.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus crossed his arms and leaned against the fountain to wait for James. James had offered to meet him in London and apparate directly to his home, but Severus had wanted to see Godric's Hollow for himself. Now he almost wished he'd accepted James' offer, for he couldn't help but feel rather conspicuous in such a quaint, respectable village. It made Spinner's End look poor and trashy, and he the sort of boy that made little old ladies cross to the other side of the street, despite the care he'd taken in his appearance that morning.

He was still dwelling on the confrontation with his father, but he had to admit that when James turned onto the sidewalk to the center off the village towards Severus his stomach gave a little flutter of excitement. He kept his arms tightly crossed and his face blank, however, even when James approached, a cautious smile on his face.

“Christ, look at you,” he said in admiration as he came to a halt a little too close to Severus, as though he'd intended to kiss him and stopped himself at the last moment. James looked him over appraisingly, his smile growing even broader while Severus had to fight a little harder to hold onto his neutral expression. “You look really good in Muggle clothes.”

Severus flushed and avoided eye contact to hide his pleasure. 

“Well, welcome to Godric's Hollow,” James said, spreading his arms to encompass his small village, as comfortably as though he were its conquerer, and not a mere resident.

"Godric's Hollow," Severus said, his voice dripping with irony. He didn't even have to add anything- he shot James a look of exasperation.

James rolled his eyes. "I suppose you live on Salazar's Slope?"

"Spinner's End," Severus said with great dignity, and only regretted revealing his home after he'd spoken. But, he reasoned, it wasn't as though James would ever seek him out or see where he lived.

James turned to come back the way he'd arrived, though as he walked Severus noticed James covertly hung back a step, to check out Severus from behind. Severus grinned broadly for a few seconds before he could get himself back under control enough to turn back to James with a pointed, lifted eyebrow that let him know Severus had noticed his inspection. 

Godric's Hollow was quaint and sleepy, the main street practically empty. The village's only landmarks were a pub, a church, and a tiny post office from which a couple of old women strolled out. 

"Morning, Mrs. Bagshot," James called cheerfully then grabbed Severus' elbow to pull him more quickly down the village's tiny square. "Come on, Bagshot doesn't want to see us snog."

Severus allowed himself to be pulled, though he shot a wary glance back at the women, thinking of his father and the Muggle's hatred of queers. "Muggle?" Severus asked and James shot him a sharp, unamused look, as though expecting him to express anti-Muggle sentiments, as Severus had before he'd learned that James might put up with many things to keep the peace between them, but on that point he was firm. 

“Bathilda Bagshot, author of _A History of Magic_ ,” James contradicted. 

Severus looked back curiously at the old woman, who'd actually shaded a hand over her eyes to get a better look at the two boys, and missed James' awkward move until he felt his hand grasped in a warm, dry palm.

Instinctively he wrenched his hand away and looked sharply over at James. "What are you doing?" he said, his smile now entirely gone.

James' turned bright red and Severus felt his stomach plummet a little, realizing James hadn't been teasing him. Although James behavior had undergone an almost miraculous transformation since the night Severus had demanded to be treated with respect, to the point even Lily had been pleased by his behavior, it was still not second nature to trust him. 

"Giving Bagshot a thrill," he muttered evasively and walked more quickly, so that he soon outstripped Severus' longer stride. Severus thought about initiating the gesture himself, but feared rejection. They walked in silence, James probably occupied with his own embarrassment, and Severus growing silent and sullen with disappointment in himself, wondering if he'd ruined the week he'd looked forward to all summer before it had even begun. 

"This is it," James said as they approached a two story stone house surrounded by fence overrun by flowering vegetation. James rode his hand along the wall and they both looked the house over. It was old but had all the earmarks of a home well cared for, despite its age. The neat little front garden blossomed with a variety of colorful flowers and little ceramic statues of angels and curvy witches peeked around behind carefully tended shrubberies. A cheery little placard hanging crookedly from the front door proudly read 'Potter Cottage.”

Severus made a curious sort of noise with his tongue, that was a cross between a cry of outrage and a sigh of envy. Bitterness flooded him, seeing this perfect, welcoming cottage that made his own home seem all the more dismal by contrast. “Charming,” he said acidly, feeling his lips twist in a sneer, even while the better part of his nature silently hated himself for his jealousy.

James shot him a furious, betrayed look and Severus immediately felt guilty- which just made him angrier. 

“Listen,” he snarled, rounding on Severus. “I don't know what crawled up your arse and died, but you'll be pleasant to my parents or-”

James' threats were cut short by a cheerful, “Hello!” called over the wall.

Both boys stiffened and turned.

An elderly man just shy of average in height with glasses the same shape as James' came walking from the side of the cottage, smiling genially and tugging off soiled gloves. He tucked them absently into the pocket of his cardigan and sheepishly brushed off his front, and Severus could have wept for how much he favored James, and how kind and welcoming his smile was. 

“Just having a bit of a turn around the garden,” he said when he was near enough to not be required to shout. He gave James an encouraging smile and James turned to shoot Severus a private, warning glare before turning back to his father.

“Dad, this is my friend, Severus Snape. Severus, this is my father.”

Severus smiled a stiff, awkward smile and wiped his hands self consciously on his trousers before stepping near enough to shake the gentleman's hand. He was much older than Severus had expected, but in the Wizarding world it wasn't unheard of. His face was deeply lined and his hair was gray, but Severus thought that James would look exactly like him in seventy years or so. “Mr. Potter. Thank you for allowing me to stay the week in your home,” he said, as politely as he could manage.

Mr. Potter wrapped both hands warmly around Severus' hand and gave it a few gentle pumps and Severus felt warmth curl up his neck and thin cheeks. 

“James tells me you're a Slytherin, Severus,” Mr. Potter said, without a trace of censure as he released his hand. His smile remained pleasant and open, which surprised Severus, who'd assumed James would probably lie about Severus to his parents. “My sweet sister, rest her soul, was a Slytherin. She became Head of the Magical Transportation, but oh, that was a good sixty years ago.” Mr. Potter sent James a fond look and Severus inhaled sharply through his nose, surprised and indignant. It was little wonder James had never revealed that bit of information- the bastard had always acted so superior to Syltherins. 

Mr. Potter, obviously oblivious to any tension, continued on comfortably. “In my day the Slytherins were all thought to be very career focused and successful. Tell me, Severus, do you know what field you would like to go into?”

Severus felt a reluctant smirk grace his mouth- this was getting better. He could practically feel James' indignation behind him.

“Yes, sir. I intend to apprentice with a Potions Master. Professor Slughorn has put me into contact with Master Micklethwaite in London, if you've heard of his work. I'll interview with him later this summer, and expect to be accepted- hinging on my NEWTS, of course,” Severus said with barely contained pride, and was pleased when Mr. Potter's eyebrows shot up and a delighted grin spread over his face.

“Have I heard of Master Micklethwaite? Who hasn't? The Ministry of Magic refuses to purchase from any other supplier, or so rumor has it. You must be very good,” Mr. Potter said admiringly, and Severus found that he quite liked Mr. Potter, though a bit against his will.

“He's the best in our year,” James interjected, and Severus shot him a startled look, feeling flattered and a little lightheaded with praise, when he was so unused to it. “Even better than Lily.”

Lily was good at Potions primarily because Severus taught her everything she knew, but his loyalty to his best friend kept him from pointing that out- barely. He found he wanted to impress Mr. Potter, though he wasn't sure why. 

Mr. Potter chuckled indulgently. “Perhaps you can help our James, then. He needs a NEWT in Potions to be an Auror, but it's not his best subject.”

He had to fight to keep his expression pleasant and not triumphant. “I'll do what I can,” he said, his tone of voice indicating he could make no promises, given the material he had to work with. James looked like he'd had to bite his tongue to suppress his retort.

Mr. Potter smiled genially and nodded his head. “Well, enough chat. My Snapping Snapdragons need me and Mum will be looking for you two,” he said and stood aside to let them pass into the front garden. “Severus, welcome to Potter Cottage.”

Severus nodded and thanked him, and though he still felt resentful of James' charmed life, he found he was unable to dislike his father. “One down,” James muttered and Severus found he was a little hurt that James hadn't had faith in him to be polite to his parents.

“This is very... idyllic,” he said, to fill the silence, though he wasn't yet sure if he meant it as a compliment or a criticism. James didn't seem to know how to take it either, so he ignored the comment and opened the door of the cottage instead. 

“Mum?” he called, and an answer came from down the hall, in the kitchen.

The Potter's kitchen was small but _stuffed_ with cooking implements, pots and pans lining the walls all the way up to the ceiling. 

“Oh, darling,” Mrs. Potter greeted warmly, turning away from the pot she'd been stirring on the stove with her wand. Mrs. Potter was a small, elderly woman who could have easily been James' grandmother. Her curly white hair was a riot of frizz from the steam in the kitchen, but her wrinkled face was kind and wreathed in smiles, all uncomfortably directed at both James and Severus. “This must be Severus!”

Mrs. Potter toddled around the kitchen and descended on Severus, drawing him down by the shoulders to give him a gentle, sweet smelling hug before Severus could think of an escape. Severus caught one glimpse of James' amused face before it was hidden by his mother's fluffy hair. Mrs. Potter released him, but on her way down she reached up and tenderly patted his cheek, making Severus feel like sinking into the floor with embarrassment and confusion, torn between being pleased and horrified. 

“Oh, dear, don't mind me,” Mrs. Potter said merrily, taking in Severus' red face. “I'm just so pleased James has a new friend. Welcome to our home!”

“I- thank you, Mrs. Potter,” Severus muttered.

“Are you hungry, darling?” she asked sweetly, taking in Severus' thin frame in one sharp glance and his previously hard worn confidence instantly melted into self-consciousness again. “You have that look about you of having grown too much too soon! Oh dear, you will be tall, won't you? Poor James here has two short parents, but he may grow a little yet.”

“Mum,” James groaned, but privately Severus agreed and instantly felt better. He'd found it particularly satisfying to look down on James condescendingly in public and tuck him snugly under his arm in private, and Severus wanted it to stay that way.

“I'm not hungry, ma'am, but thank you,” Severus said with the most perfect manners he could muster, and Mrs. Potter beamed. 

“What a polite young gentleman,” she said, then clapped her hands together smartly. Severus wondered just how badly James' regrettable friends acted around the Potters if Mrs. Potter was so impressed by Severus.

“Well don't let me keep you. I know boys, you'll want to hole up in your room and enjoy your new freedom to levitate quills and bottle caps.” Mrs. Potter gave a charming giggle and moved back to the stove. “Your favorite for lunch, Jamie. Sherpherd's pie. Severus, dear, I do hope you like that? I could whip something else up if you don't?”

Mrs. Potter looked so genuinely concerned than Severus was speechless for a moment. In his house if you didn't like what was served, you didn't eat- and no one particularly cared whether you missed a meal or three, either. Eventually he shook his head bemusedly. “That sounds delicious, Mrs. Potter,” he admitted weakly, feeling totally overwhelmed by the incredible warmth of James' parents. No wonder the blighter was so spoiled and entitled.

“Oh good,” she said in obvious relief, and James touched Severus' elbow to pull him out of the kitchen.

“You're mother,” Severus said, shaking his head in amazement, as James led him down a hallway decorated by hundreds of smiling, moving family photographs, of which James throughout his childhood featured heavily.

James shot him a sharp, defensive look as they climbed the stairs up to the second floor. “What?” he said coldly, clearly expecting Severus to say something nasty.

“She's lovely.” He wondered what James could possibly think Severus could find wanting in two such kind, generous people. Frankly, Severus wanted to be adopted by them and he'd only known them for ten minutes.

James seemed to evaluate Severus for sincerity before relaxing. “Well, yeah,” he agreed, like having loving parents was something to be expected.

Severus found that, though he still resented James' luck, he was glad that the Gryffindor had not known the neglect that Severus had- somehow the thought of James unloved and uncared for didn't sit right with him, made him feel prickly and protective.

“They're just- different than my parents,” he said reluctantly, by way of explanation. It wasn't an invitation to discuss his home life, but rather a peace offering, to smooth the rocky start to the day.

“They're younger, right? Yeah, Mum and Dad didn't have me until their seventies. I was a bit of a surprise, you could say, but they'd always wanted children and thought they couldn't,” James laughed and Severus bit his lip, realizing James thought that was what Severus meant by them being different.

“Yes, they are,” he said cautiously, and was relieved when James dropped the subject in favor of opening the door nearest the staircase. “Mum and Dad are on the other side of the hallway,” he said, pointing to a door at the end of the hall. “But thank God we're seventeen now. Silencing spells,” James said on a long, satisfied sigh. “Merlin's gift to teenage boys.”

Severus had to snicker, his libido making a comeback after the brief depression of his upsetting morning. 

James' room was like James himself: loud, obnoxious and cheerful. Quidditch posters and pictures of curvy witches plastered the walls and ceiling. His room bore signs of having been recently organized, but poorly. Severus saw a sock peeking out from beneath the bed and would have bet that a week's worth of dirty clothes had been shoved under it. He walked over to a picture of a woman in a bikini writhing on a beach suggestively and shot James an amused look. “Has she been keeping you company?” 

James didn't reply, merely closed the distance between them and gathered Severus up into his arms and lifted up on his toes to capture Severus' mouth in a kiss. He had to bend down a little, but it was a good kiss, warm and not too fast or desperate. It felt good to have an armful of solid, warm boy and Severus squeezed him a little tighter, his fingers digging into his skin through his t shirt.

James was eager, pushing up into his mouth like a puppy trying to lick his face, and Severus' lips tightened in a smile against him, realizing James' parents weren't the only ones welcoming him into their home. This was going to be a good week, he thought, for the first time allowing himself to put the morning behind him and just live in the present.


	3. Chapter 3

They spent the day with Mr. Potter in the garden, who Severus learned had always harbored a passion for Herbology, though he'd gone into work at the Ministry of Magic. In his retirement he'd turned the front and back garden into his own personal playground, filling it with the most beautiful and rare magical flowers and flora, and purely for the enjoyment of it. In Severus Mr. Potter found a kindred spirit, who though he had little interest in Herbology himself, had a thorough knowledge of potion ingredients derived from magical plants.

James neither cared for Herbology nor Potions, but it was clear he loved his father dearly, and though he often scoffed or rolled his eyes indulgently over his father's enthusiasm, Severus could tell it pleased him to see the two of them finding common ground.

The rest of the day they spent consuming large quantities of hearty, country food Mrs. Potter produced, and later sprawled on couches in the sitting room recovering from overindulgence.

When James' parents had retired for the evening James cut a sly, hopeful look over at Severus and he grinned at him before he could stop himself.

“I'm surprised you managed to wait until your parents went to sleep,” Severus said with a restrained chuckle as he stood to join James.

“It wasn't easy.” Severus followed James up the stairs, eyes on the pert little arse in front of him and muscular thighs, not for the first time thankful for his lover's time on a broom. 

“Would your parents be angry if they knew?” he asked curiously, remembering his own altercation with his father, which he did _not_ want to think about. Wizarding society as a whole was much more relaxed about homosexuality than Muggles, but one never knew.

James frowned as he held the door open for Severus. “Not angry,” he said after a moment of thoughtful silence. “I just think it might make them uncomfortable, knowing we're in here... er, doing what we're about to do. I think they'd be pleased, though. They like you.”

The idea of anyone being pleased to have Severus in a relationship with their son was almost too foreign to comprehend. But then, they wouldn't understand what James and Severus had at all. “They'd think I was your boyfriend.” Despite what he'd hurled at his father to shock him, he didn't consider James to be his boyfriend. They weren't even friends, really. They were companionable acquaintances who regularly had sex. 

James sat down on his bed and looked up at Severus, his expression conflicted. “Severus,” he said, and Severus felt himself tense with sudden anxiety at the serious tone. “In what way are you _not_ my boyfriend?”

Certainly they presented a united front to the school, on Severus' insistence. They regularly had sex and increasingly spent time together doing things that had nothing to do with sex. Even Lily had warmed to James, beginning to make cautiously approving comments that suggested that perhaps James wasn't the scum of the earth she'd previously considered him to be. 

“You think I'm your boyfriend?” he asked, staring at James hard, unsure if he was being teased or not. Was this a trick? Make Severus think he was wanted and then turn around and throw it back in his face.

James rolled his eyes uncomfortably. “Well, yes. We don't have to buy each other flowers to be in a relationship, Severus. We can just be us. I've been trying to be... better.” James didn't have to elaborate. When they'd first become lovers James had been cruel and selfish, though now Severus thought it might have been immaturity and perhaps insecurity, as much as anything. But James _had_ been trying, little as Severus liked to admit it.

“And you've been trying too, I know. Not hanging out with Mulciber or Avery as much, I've noticed, or flaunting dark magic just to show you can.”

Severus felt instantly defensive, even though it was true that in the face of both James and Lily's disapproval he'd distanced himself from the group he'd previously courted in lonelier, more isolated times. It hadn't even been a difficult choice- with James he had intense sexual gratification and companionship and with Lily he had emotional support and love. With James taming the worst of Sirius' bullying, he hadn't even needed the protection of a powerful group. And while he was still interested and enthralled in dark magic, and probably always would be, without incentive to use it he found himself surprisingly content for his passion to remain theoretical. 

But despite the truth in James' words, it rubbed him the wrong way for the boy to think it was because of him. “What arrogance is this?” he snarled, backing away from the bed. “You think I'll change for you, Potter?”

Potter's gaze became less open, wearier. “I think you already have. But not for me. At least, I hope not. I hope because you're as good a person as Lily always said you were.”

Severus felt an unwelcome flash of fear, as he read more deeply into James' words than their surface meaning. He was referring to the Dark Lord, and certain Slytherin's dangerous admiration of him. In Hogwarts it was easy to forget the way Voldemort was cutting a swath through the Wizarding population with death and destruction, but here was a cold reminder. Equally as terrifying as joining the dark wizard was fighting against him, as it was obvious James was eager to do.

“You want me to do my part against the Dark Lord, do you? Like you? Die for a noble cause?” he sneered, to cover his uneasiness. 

James stood up now, reaching out to grip Severus' shoulders. His face was serious and passionate. “Severus, I want you to be safe. I want our world to be safe, for us, our families, for our children. The Dark Lord threatens everyone's future. And if he can't use you he'll want you dead. Of course I'm going to fight against him. He wants to hurt the people I care about,” he said, and Severus, unconsciously slipping into a light state of Legillimency, saw that James meant him as well. He saw the deep fear James harbored that Severus would succumb to the Dark Lord's call and would be used and then murdered, or would be forced to become a murderer himself. 

“Severus, please. I'm not asking you to do anything.”

Severus looked away, breaking the connection. It was too intense to see how unexpectedly deeply James felt about him- much more than he'd realized. He hadn't known how close James had drawn him into the web of people he valued. “I'm not fighting the Dark Lord,” he said stubbornly, because as far as he was concerned that was a death sentence.

“I'm not asking you to,” James repeated. His grip had grown a little more slack, though his thumbs caressed Severus' skin through the fabric of his shirt. “But you're brilliant, Severus. If you think he won't want you, you're underestimating yourself. You're going to have to make a choice, just like the rest of us.”

Severus sighed, but didn't back away. “This began with you asking me to be your boyfriend,” he reminded him with a weak attempt at humor.

James smiled back tentatively. “I still want to know.”

“And I want to know why,” Severus retorted. 

“Severus,” James groaned, and sank his forehead on his shoulder. His arms snake around Severus' slim waist. “Open your eyes and observe, would you? Do I really need to explain it?”

Severus closed his eyes and just let himself be enveloped by James' closeness and warmth. James felt good against him, just a little shorter and just right. Often things felt just right when they were together. They almost always disagreed, frequently argued, and it took effort to remain cordial. And yet being with James was always thrilling, something that kept him riveted and eager for more.

He felt like he was at a crossroads, and his life could go very differently, depending on the path he took. No matter how his mind traveled down each twist and turn, it was impossible to know which path was the best one; the one most likely to lead to his happiness and security. 

“God knows I never expected it, but I care about you,” James said solidly against his chest, and Severus, remembering what he'd seen in his mind, had no choice but to believe him. “And I'm only asking you to make one decision right now. Do you care about me?”

“I... might,” he said, feeling as though for the first time in his life he was taking a chance that had more to do with his heart than his head. He felt surprisingly light and unburdened, as though the decision to let himself be vulnerable had been the hardest part of all, and from that point forward it would be easier.

“Come to bed, then,” James coaxed, hooking his arms around Severus' waist to draw him back against the bed. “Let's seal the deal,” he laughed and dropped down onto the bed then pulled Severus on top of him.

“I must be mad,” he groaned as he thrashed to untangle himself from James, though he only seemed to burrow in further. The boy was undulating underneath him, struggling to pull his wand from his pocket so he could perform the spell that would vanish their clothing- compliments of _A Superfluity of Sex Spells._ “You're already a terrible boyfriend.”

“Oh yeah?” James asked challengingly, once he'd extricated his wand and rendered them suddenly bare. He lifted his hands to clasp Severus' arse and pull him closer until Severus was forced to crawl up his chest. “Would a terrible boyfriend do this?” he asked sweetly, and pulled Severus until his narrow bum was hovering over James' face. Severus, knowing what was in store from him and feeling weak at the knees at the thought of it, carefully lowered himself until he felt the first brush of James' tongue against his hole. It made his arsehole flutter and spasm and he crouched lower for better access.

“James,” he gasped weakly and reached out to grip the headboard. He reached down to palm his cock while James used both hands to spread his cheeks so he could burrow closer. 

“Ugh, why do you like that?” he groaned absently, even though his hips were now rocking back on James' face minutely, forcing him closer. He actually felt James grin against his skin before he used his hands to pull Severus back a little. Before he had time to voice his displeasure James began licking at his perineum and testicles instead and Severus arched and moaned. “Y-yeah,” he said, head thrown back and eyes closed as James moved again, beginning to nibble at the base of his cock.

“I've been thinking,” James said, though little of what he said managed to penetrate the fog of lust in Severus' mind.

“Yeah,” Severus repeated again, mindlessly grinding himself against James' face until the boy underneath him gave a snort of amusement and clamped his hands on his hips to still his movements. 

“Will you listen?” he asked and playfully slapped one of Severus' bony little arse cheeks. 

Severus flinched and stopped trying to rub himself all over James like a horny cat. “I- what?” he asked in confusion, willing his brain out of his dick and back into his head. 

James wriggled out from underneath Severus so that he could see him over the jutting of his cock. “Yeah, so I've been thinking about... that swing we saw in the Room of Requirement.”

Severus' heart gave a frantic, excited leap. He'd thought about that swing too, but he hadn't had the nerve to bring it up again. “Yeah?” he asked cautiously, trying to mask his interest. 

James bit his lip coyly. “Well, I couldn't help but notice you sort of seemed interested in it... and I was wondering... um, if you think you could rig one of those up with that spell of yours. The one with the ropes?”

Severus' mouth dropped open a little and he sucked in such a sharp breath that he felt his mouth go dry. He didn't have to think about it, though- he knew he could do it because he'd practiced, just waiting for the day he was bold enough to try it out on James.

“I think I could,” he finally managed with a passable imitation at coolness. “I- now?” It wasn't perhaps as collected as he'd hoped, but James didn't seem to mind. He nodded eagerly with a grin and watched with admiration as Severus picked up his wand with a shaky hand and began to conjure artfully. When he was done they both took a moment to admire it. It was silky and glimmering in the moonlight, as delicate as a spiderweb but as strong as chain. 

“Will it hold weight?” James asked and Severus nodded and bit his lip. He wondered if James expected him to get in it, but found he wasn't indifferent to the thought. But James only urged Severus off of him and pushed off the bed to circle it. He shot one more glance at Severus for confirmation before he gingerly lifted up onto his toes and settled into the cradle of magic rope, as though expecting to be dropped at any moment. When it held his weight he shot Severus an excited smile. “You didn't give it stirrups,” he said coyly, kicked out one of his dangling feet pointedly.

Severus felt a little like his cock was going to catch on fire he was so aroused at the mere sight of James aloft and exposed, waiting for him. “How forgetful of me,” he whispered breathlessly and raised his wand again. Two ropes sprang out, forming cups around James' heels and then lifting and spreading his legs, up and as far apart as he could comfortably go. The movement tilted his pelvis up, exposing his tight, dark little hole. 

The sight made him feel a little weak in his knees as he tottered over to the swing to stand in front of James. As he'd known it would be, James' ass was at waist height, just waiting for him to plunge his dick right in. With trembling fingers he used his wand to clean and prepare James and with another flick cast a protection spell that was by this point more habit than necessity. James moaned and writhed, but looked up at Severus saucily.

James, apparently, was not done killing Severus. He grinned cheekily and casually lifted his arms above his head. “You know you want to,” he taunted, not even having to tell Severus what he wanted. With a passionate snarl Severus complied, his wand slashing down and an energetic rope lashing out and binding around James' arms, pulling him tight and up, his back bowing and his chest pressing out. Before James even had a chance to gasp Severus was on him, so overcome with lust at the sight he could contain himself no longer.

His teeth skimmed roughly over James' nipples, making the boy squawk and crane away from him, as far as his magical bonds would allow. Severus groaned and dropped to his knees, and dove straight in. He'd never anally pleasured James with his mouth, but he knew how good it felt and he knew from the efficacy of his own spells the boy was clean. The first touch of his tongue to James' hole made the boy writhe tightly in his web and pant.

“Oh, oh, Sev- Severus, yes,” he said and Severus pushed back in, attacking his loose, wet hole with his tongue, too aroused to care how disgusting he'd always found the idea, even when James had always eaten him like he was candy. He fucked James with his tongue and then pull his hips down a little to get his mouth around his cock. James' whole body tensed around his bonds as he tried, unsuccessfully, to thrust up into his heat. His body quaked and jerked and he made such desperate noises that Severus had to grab the base of his dick hard, even as he backed off to suck on the head teasingly.

“Oh, God, stop, stop,” James begged. “I'm gonna come if you don't. And I want you to fuck me first.”

Severus gave a heartfelt groan. “Fucking shut up,” he snarled, too turned on to be toyed with. James, with that tone of voice, could probably make him come by pure auditory onslaught. 

James was both relentless and unrepentant. “Please Severus, oh Merlin, I want you to fuck me _now_.”

Severus scrambled to his feet and roughly grasped James' hips. He pushed the tip of his cocked against James' hole and shifted his hips gently until the head popped into the dripping wet heat. James shuddered and his head fell back, exposing his throat. Severus pulled on James' hips and his body swayed gently in the ropes, impaling itself on his cock. James' mouth fell open but no words came out, only heavy, labored breathing. 

Severus let go of James' hips and gravity swung the boy back, making Severus' prick fall out with a wet noise. 

“Severus!” James cried indignantly, and Severus knew the movement probably hadn't been comfortable. He could see James' hole, clenching on nothing. But, tied as he was by Severus' magic, there was nothing he could do. He had to bite his lip hard.

“Ooops,” he purred in lieu of an apology, and grasped James' hips again to pull him back. He pushed his dick in again, then dragged James close until his arse cheeks were snugged up against his hipbones. “How's the angle?” he asked and pumped James a few times on his cock, knowing the angle was perfect already and that James' was probably getting more prostate stimulation than he'd ever had in his life.

“Oh god,” was all James could reply, and so Severus punished him by releasing his hips again. James swung away and Severus popped free, his heavy cock falling out before bouncing back up, hard and eager. They both sucked in harsh gasps, at the sudden, startling loss of sensation.

“Why are you fucking doing that?” James panted, lifting his head up as much as he could to glare at Severus. 

“I asked you a question,” Severus said, trying to sound like he wasn't using every ounce of his self control not to grab James' arse and fuck him hard for the approximately twenty seconds it would take before he came. 

James breathed heavily, staring dazedly at Severus, then flopped back down into the ropes. “I don't know,” he said sweetly. “Why don't you try again and I'll tell you.”

Severus smirked and pulled the Gryffindor roughly back by his thighs. James dropped his head again and groaned pitifully when Severus pushed in again. Severus felt like every nerve ending in his body had been condensed down into cock and he couldn't stop the way he gasped and shuddered his way jerkily inside. “Fuck, James, you feel so-” he gritted out before he was able to stop himself.

“Please, fuck, please don't stop this time,” James groaned, writhing in his bonds fruitlessly, probably regretting now that he'd volunteered to be tied up.

“I'm not going to last,” he groaned reluctantly, continuing to pump into James but trying to be gentle and cautious when all he wanted to do was hammer into him. 

“Me neither,” James said, now like an insect caught in a spider's web as he writhed and attempted to thrust onto Snape's cock. “Please, just fuck me. Let's get off then we can go again.” James paused, grinned up at Snape, and clamped down purposefully around Snape, enveloping his dick in unbelievable warmth and tightness and deciding the matter for him. “I want you in the swing next,” he purred and Snape let out a sob.

He gripped James' hips hard enough to bruise and brought him down hard on his cock, making the Gryffindor yelp. He didn't give him a chance to recover, instead letting gravity swing James away before slamming him back on. James hands curled into fists and his mouth opened wide enough Severus could see his uvula, but he only gasped, putting up no protest as Severus brutally fucked him for a dozen strokes before crushing him hard against his hips and curling over him as an orgasm so intense it was almost painful electrified his balls.

James grew almost frantic then as he tried to thrust his engorged cock up against Severus' thin chest for the last bit of friction he obviously needed. “Severus, please,” he begged and Severus couldn't even bring himself to tease the boy any longer. With a groan he pulled out and then fell to his knees and took James straight down in a few bobs of his head. James _screamed_ and within just a few bobs of his tight mouth the boy was bursting on his tongue, his come shooting revoltingly down Severus' throat and gushing out the side of his mouth. Severus hung on anyway, sucking hard until James was whimpering in a different way, trying to angle his hips away from the over stimulation.

Severus flopped back, elbows hitting the wooden floor. He turned his head and spat James' come onto the floor and wiped his filthy mouth. His narrow chest heaved as he fought to regain his breath and his sanity. Above him James appeared to be doing the same thing, though he couldn't see his face. He could see his wet, gaping arsehole though, and his cock gave a painful twitch when he saw the way it spasmed and his own cum dripped out.

“Severus. That was really hot,” James croaked hoarsely from above and Severus could only nod bemusedly before flopping back onto the floor and waiting for his limbs to start working again.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus had wondered how their relationship would change now that it had achieved official status, but from all he could observe their interactions were largely the same, with the addition of more frequent demonstrations of affection. Severus accepted the kisses and touches with as much dignity as he could, though he wasn't ready to initiate them. 

It took only two days for James' parents to catch onto Severus' true role in their son's life, and frankly it was amazing to Severus they lasted that long. James couldn't seem to keep his hands off of him, touching his shoulders or chest and darting up to kiss him any time they had a spare moment alone. 

James had his tongue down Severus' throat behind his father's greenhouse when his mother appeared to call them in for lunch.

“Oh!” she said in surprise and James wrenched himself off Severus to gape at his mother, whose cheeks were a little pinker than usual, but otherwise appeared unruffled. 

Severus felt his stomach sink and his hackles immediately rise. His first thought was of his father's reaction- would Mrs. Potter react similarly? His second thought was to wonder how he could protect James from his mother's censure or disappointment? 

“Oh, dear. This is- well, a bit of a surprise, but. Oh.”

James was blushing even harder than his mother, but he blindly reached down until he could grab Severus' hand. It was his wand hand, and it made Severus feel powerless, but the gesture was comforting- this time Severus didn't push him off. “Uh, Mum. Sorry you, er, saw that. I may have forgot to mention- er, that is, Severus is my boyfriend. I thought you might not let him come if you knew...”

Mrs. Potter put a distressed hand to her cheek and rushed forward to give her son a reassuring hug. “Oh, darling, of course I would have.” She released James to pull Severus down into her embrace as well, going so far as to kiss him on the cheek and making Severus' burn with embarrassment and confusion.

She drew back, beaming up at them. “Sweetheart, I know Dad and I seem like old ninnies to you, but don't forget we were young once. And you're both adults and smart boys and I'm sure you've figured out the right spells. Oh, but darling, you should have told me. Although I did rather suspect and I thought maybe there was something there but Dad says, no Mum, you're imagining it- wait until I tell him! ... you're such a nice boy, though, Severus, and at least I don't have to worry about Jamie getting you pregnant!”

“Mum!” groaned James, but Severus just snickered at James' obvious humiliation. If he hadn't been half in love with Mrs. Potter already, she'd just won his heart for good. 

James' father was fairly stoic about the matter, calmly accepting and welcoming as always, and Severus had the odd sensation of actually wishing to live up to someone's expectations for once. The truly refreshing thing about James' parents was their absolute open mindedness and nonjudgmental spirit. They were perhaps the first people he'd ever met who didn't judge him for his house at school, his appearance, background, or past. With them he had a blank slate, to present himself as any sort of person he chose. 

He looked forward to the intelligent conversation about potion ingredients he had with Mr. Potter almost as much as he did the nights he spent with James. Mrs. Potter's sweet smile and freely given motherly touches became something Severus silently appreciated, within just a few short days. And it didn't hurt how obviously pleased James was, as though the four of them getting along together was all he needed in his life to be happy. 

Severus had even begun to entertain faint hopes of perhaps staying with the Potters a little longer, maybe even the rest of the summer, when disaster struck. Sirius Black ran away from home.

*

The night was hot, the humid air oppressive and heavy on their naked bodies, and the only breath of fresh air came from the open window beside the bed. They were too sweaty and _awake_ to sleep, and Severus thought it likely within the next few minutes James would want to go again. As he'd decided that was as good a way to wile away the time as any, his cock was stirring a little in anticipation when a clamor from outside the window made them both startle, arms and legs untangling from each other as they fought to sit up.

James pulled himself apart from Severus, where he'd been glued stuck by dry semen and sweat. “What was that?” he asked, sweeping his hand over the bedside table in search of his glasses and wand.

The clattering outside the window had paused, but a sudden shuddering thump against the wall behind their bed made both dive for their wands.

James sprang off the bed, naked and unafraid, and crept near the window, keeping out of the line of sight.

“James, no,” Severus hissed, wondering how on earth he'd let his guard down enough to let this happen. It was so easy to forget that there was a Dark Lord or Death Eaters when he'd been wrapped in a cocoon of comfort for five days, but he was brought back to reality with a painful jolt. He reached out and grabbed James' arm and attempted to pull him back. “Stop, you idiot,” he whispered. “You're going to be killed.” 

He'd always known that James had intentions to be an Auror (and, in Severus' opinion, it was a great waste of natural talent and inclinations, considering the boy's mastery of Transfiguration), but this brought home the danger in a way simply imagining the idea never had. 

But James appeared to have seen something, for his wand hand dropped and he stepped in front of the window, peering out without thought to his safety.

“James!” Severus cried, and hating him a little but loving him more, he darted forward to pull him back and that was when he saw something worse than a Death Eater: Sirius Black.

“Sirius!” James cried at the same time Severus choked and stumbled back away from the window, diving for his clothes and managing to yank on a collection of his and James' discarded trousers and shirts before James had pulled Sirius off of his broom and into the bedroom, with his trunk and owl following. Severus guessed that it was the trunk that had slammed against the wall, but presently he was much more concerned about _Sirius Black_ in James' bedroom than he was with anything else.

Sirirus blinked wildly around the room, took in James' still nude body and Severus disheveled, mismatched, standing wearily by the bed and clutching his wand, and seemed to put the pieces together. His expression of exaggerated horror was matched only by the long, forbidding scowl that turned Severus' face even more unpleasant than usual.

Severus clutched his wand, feeling every scrap of peace and happiness he'd managed to cultivate in the last five days disappear entirely, probably to be never found again.

“ _You,_ ” Sirius spat, and Severus felt his skin prickle. “What are you doing here?”

“ _I_ was invited,” Severus snarled back, and a few sparks spewed from his wand, reacting to the indignation and hatred that mere words could not express.

“Severus... Sirius...” James said repressively, and both boys turned on him.

“Goddammit, James, you have him in your house? You let your parents meet him? He is dangerous!” Sirius grappled in his pocket and pulled out his own wand, as though a duel to defend the Potter family's honor was imminent. 

Fury swamped him, at the insinuation Severus meant any harm to any Potter as much as at the high handed, arrogant tone Black had always taken, as though Severus wasn't fit to lick the bottom of his cauldron. Severus took a step forward, wand rising. “What's that supposed to mean, Black?”

“STOP!” James shouted, stepping between them with arms raised, wand in one hand. It should have been comical, James with his naked body glowing in the moonlight and his crooked glasses and riotous bed head, but neither Black nor Severus laughed. “Sirius, Severus is my boyfriend and I wanted to see him over the summer. I wanted my parents to meet him as well. We've all been getting along just fine, actually.” 

Severus shot Black a triumphant smirk, jubilant as always when James took his part over Black's. He was now desperately grateful he'd agreed to be called James' boyfriend, if for no other reason than to see the way Black's face turned purple at the word.

“And Severus,” James said, head snapping back around to him. “Sirius wouldn't have come if he didn't need my help, and I expect you to be cordial.”

He scowled and refused to answer the demand directly. “Put some clothes on, James,” he muttered instead, not because he was worried about Black being attracted to James, but rather feeling territorial and defensive. James' naked body now seemed his domain, meant for his eyes alone.

Severus and Black, now chastised, lowered their wands slightly and stepped back while James rolled his eyes and unconcernedly went back to his dresser to pull out a clean shirt, pants and jeans. “Sit, won't you? You look like two dogs about to go for each other's throats.” 

Severus desperately wanted to smugly reveal that he knew about Black's animagus abilities, but as he'd gleaned the knowledge through legilimency, he knew he couldn't without James knowing how much his trust had been betrayed. 

Black shoved a small pile of dirty clothing off the only seat in the room and sat down, wand clutched in his hand and his dark, distrustful gaze on Severus while James put on his clothing. With no other options, Severus backed up against the messy, unmade bed (itching to cast a quick scourgify to neaten and clean off the semen and sweat but unwilling to do so with Black present) and sat primly on the edge, hand on his wand as well. 

James pulled on his shirt and zipped up his jeans and then stood, barefooted, staring between the two of them. Severus could tell he didn't know what to do with the two of them in the same room, and wasn't surprised. Severus and Black, by silent but mutual agreement, had purposefully avoided spending time together in James' company. Though both made demands on his time, it hadn't been difficult to keep themselves separate, so it was little wonder James was a little overwhelmed by the sudden confrontation of hostilities that had never ceased, only been put on hold for a while. Severus wondered if perhaps James had hoped Black and Severus could move beyond their differences, the way Severus and James had.

Very unlikely. 

Although he'd always hated James, it had been Black who'd he'd truly despised- and Severus was capable of true depths of loathing. Black had always been the leader, with James his gleeful follower. James had been mischievous, thoughtless, entitled and sometimes cruel, but it had been Black who was truly malicious. No more so than Severus, of course- only he hadn't had the benefit of a best friend willing to back him up, and had been at a disadvantage, using ever more dangerous dark arts to counter their pranks and attacks.

For a while James had soothed him, using attention and sex to distract him and exercising some control over his friend, but now Severus felt the desire to hex Black tingling in the palms of his hands, the magic simmering in his blood just below the surface, just waiting for him to utter the right words. He even thought he might like him dead- his life would be so much easier without Black... he'd have no competition for James' attention.

James sighed, probably reading the murder on Severus' face, and came to sit beside him. He reached over to put his palm down on Severus' hand, probably picking his wand hand on purpose and disguising it as a touch of affection. He curled his fingers around Severus' hand though, his fingertips resting warmly in Severus' palm, and it wasn't unpleasant. He allowed it, if for no other reason than Black looked like he'd sucked a lemon when James did it.

“Look...” he said, glancing back and forth between them wearily. “I know we never really talked about this, uh, together. But, fuck, I just need you both to back off, okay? Severus is my boyfriend, Sirirus, and he's not going away.” Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but James lifted his other hand to stop him. “And Severus, Sirius has been my best friend for six years- practically my brother, and _he's_ not going anywhere. So we've got to figure out a way to if not get along, get through ten minutes together without someone being killed because I can't pick between you.”

Severus had a moment of clarity, where he realized just how much James sounded like the adults they supposedly were, how much he'd matured in a short amount of time. He was a man now, and someone to be respected. He didn't need a leader to follow- he didn't need Black anymore. He didn't need Severus either, for that matter. He could have anyone. 

It was a sobering thought.

Black, whose jaw had been clenched, stood abruptly. His eyes were on James. He took the few steps that separated them and Severus tensed, clenching his wand, even though Black didn't raise his. 

James lifted the hand that wasn't sweating and tense on Severus' and put it to Black's forearm. “Sirius, please. We've all been arseholes to each other, no one more than the other.” Sirius opened his mouth to argue, to try and convince him Severus had been the worst offender, but James rushed forward. “But we have to put it behind us. We're adults now.”

Black's nostrils flared angrily and he opened his mouth to speak, but James beat him to it. “Sirius. Don't make me choose. That's beneath you. I love you both, I can't choose.”

Severus' stomach jumped and he hissed in a gasp, his gaze shooting to James' face. James was looking up at Black, though, and when Severus looked at him he found the dark haired boy searching James' eyes so deeply Severus almost wondered if the boy had learned Legillimency and was using it against his friend. Despite his own secret use of the art on James for months, the thought raised his hackles, as though Sirius were somehow violating James' privacy worse than he had. He also felt suffused in shame, for continuing to use it for so long, especially given the way James apparently felt about him. 

Love. Was it love, that Severus had seen in James' mind? It certainly had not been an uncomplicated emotion, but he wasn't sure he'd recognize love even if he saw it. 

“James, this isn't about me not liking him. This is more than a childhood grudge, for Merlin's sake. There is a war going on out there,” he cried passionately, waving a hand at the window to encompass the entire Wizarding world. He was speaking to James now and ignoring Severus. “And you think the Dark Lord will give Snape a pass just because he's your boyfriend? FUCK NO! He is actively recruiting and Snape is an obvious choice. He has always loved the dark arts, you know he has. And You Know Who has ways of convincing... Even my brother-” but anger or some other emotion had twisted Black's features.

“Regulus?” Severus asked quickly, uneasiness rolling in his stomach. What had Regulus done? It was difficult for Severus to call anyone who wasn't named Lily his friend, but Regulus and he had always bonded over a shared hatred of Sirius, and he only now realized how much he'd felt a little protective of him, as the older of the two. 

James was gripping Black's forearm now, his knuckles white under the nervous pressure. “What is it? Sirius, what happened?”

Black put his fists over his eyes and pressed hard and Severus could see the fine trembling of his body. It was a while before he could speak.

“He's been going to Death Eater meetings,” he finally ground out. “I caught the little fucker coming back one night. I told him I'd tell Wallburga and he just fucking laughed. She approves. He's going to be murdered and SHE THINKS HE'S DOING THE FAMILY NAME PROUD!” he said, his voice rising into a shout of pain and fury. “James, I had to leave. I can't stay there anymore.” 

Severus dropped his gaze, suddenly very uncomfortable seeing this. He'd always thought the hatred between the brothers was mutual, but he supposed that Regulus _was_ his brother. Severus had no siblings, but thought that family loyalty might run deep. Even he wouldn't be totally indifferent if, say, his father was murdered- even though he'd been sorely tempted to do the job himself a few times. 

“He won't have joined yet,” Severus finally said, and both boys looked over at him, as though only just now realizing he was there. He cleared his throat and looked at James, because he was easier to look at. “Soon, probably, but I don't think there would have been time. I've heard there are... initiations. There's still a chance...”

“What chance is there?” Black snarled, but he was looking at Severus with something that might have been hope. “They already have him. You think he can leave now? And he won't even listen to me.” There was a long, still silence. Black looked like he was talking through a wad of bubotuber puss, but he was clearly desperate. “Do you think...” 

James gave voice to the hope Black seemed unable to. “Severus, would he listen to you?”

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, playing out various scenarios rapidly. Nothing was clear, no conclusion foregone. Severus tended to avoid situations he didn't think he could win, and this one was as fraught and impossible as any he could imagine. 

“I don't know,” he admitted grudgingly. “We've... fallen apart, recently.” When he'd begun spending more time with James and avoiding the crowd Lily and James disapproved of (just to keep them happy and uncomplaining, he'd told himself) Regulus had taken it a bit personally and their formerly cordial relationship had deteriorated. “But I could try.” James let out a relieved breath and clenched his hand hard, gratefully.

Black let out a harsh breath as well, and Severus looked back up at him sharply. “I'm doing it for Regulus, not you,” he said, just to make it a point. For James' sake he would suppress the homicidal feelings he had towards Black, but he wanted it clear that he wasn't doing him any favors. 

Black snorted. “Doesn't matter who you do it for.”

Severus thought that was a surprisingly good point.

Later, long after James had quietly made up the guest bedroom and settled Black into it, then come back to bed, Severus lay awake, thinking. James was curled against him, messy head resting on his shoulder and drooling a little. His body was relaxed and pliant, innocent almost, but Severus remembered the respect he'd briefly felt for him, the confidence and power the boy had exuded. He'd changed so much during only the year they'd been together, beginning as enemies and ending as friends, or more, perhaps. Severus wondered if it had been he who'd been the impetus for change, or if he'd have somehow grown up to be this man without him?

He wondered, too, if James had changed Severus, and how he would have been without him? Would he, weak and friendless, have been drawn into the dangerous crowd Regulus had fallen in with? Would Lily's influence alone have been enough to keep him from the lure of acceptance the Dark Lord offered? Or had James and Lily both worked together, twin supports he could fall back on when power beckoned. Maybe he'd needed a reason, and something to lose, to say no to everything the Dark Lord could offer him. 

The Dark Lord couldn't offer him a best friend like Lily, or a lover like James.

Overcome, Severus rolled over and pressed a soft, silent kiss to James' sleeping cheek before laying back, determined to sleep this time.

*

 

The three boys sat squeezed together on the sitting room sofa, James in the middle and Headmaster Dumbledore across from them in the only other available seat. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had excused themselves to the kitchen, to give them privacy, even though it had been on their insistence that Dumbledore be invited into Regulus' rescue effort to begin with. 

Sirius and James had been enthusiastic about Dumbledore's involvement, but Severus had felt like he'd swallowed a bowling ball and may have attempted to flee had it not been for James' hand clasped firmly around his, as though to anchor him in place. It was effective, at any rate. He felt like James might notice how his palms slicked with nervous sweat, but every time he considered leaving he knew he'd have to break the connection first and disappoint James, and couldn't quite bring himself to do so.

Finally Sirius finished his story, ending with the explosive argument he'd had with his mother and him fleeing his home.

“And that brings us to the Potter's home,” Dumbledore mused. “Where you found Severus and James, and you hatched a plan to rescue your wayward brother.” Dumbledore's gaze fell on Severus and he hunched his shoulders a little, as though to deflect attention 

Dumbledore was not well liked in the Slytherin house. He was considered too liberal, too preferential to Gryffindors, too _noble_. Those interested in the Dark Lord hated him for other reasons- because they feared him. Severus did not truly belong to any group of thought, but he respected Dumbledore's abilities, and wasn't arrogant enough to dismiss his power. He did not hate him, but he certainly didn't trust him. Therefore he was surprised and a little suspicious when Dumbledore gave him a small, genial smile.

“I must say, Severus, I rather thought you might come to me one day.”

'You- what?” he stuttered in confusion. “Er, sir,” he added hastily.

Dumbledore's smiled broadened a little more and Severus was a little disturbed to find that the old man looked vastly amused and a little smug. “Well, what are the Dark Lord's charms to that of young Mr. Potter's, after all? Or your dearest friend, Miss Evan's, for that matter.” James shot Severus a sharp, sideways glance, though Severus ignored him. “And I rather thought you were much too intelligent to fall for his lies, anyway. I'm pleased to be proven correct.”

“I...” he began uncertainly, not sure how to respond. “How-?”

Dumbledore smirked and Severus suddenly wished the couch would open its pillowy jaws and eat him whole. “My dear boy, you and Mr. Potter have truly been remarkably indiscreet.” Severus exchanged another glance with James and found the Gryffindor red faced and guilty looking. “But never mind that, there was no harm done,” he said happily, his eyes merry and bright. “What I mean to say is that I've watched you from a young age, Severus, and have known that your intelligence and exceptional magical abilities would make you an easy target for Lord Voldemort, and I cannot tell you the pleasure it gives me that you have the faith in yourself and the necessary independence to know that you do not need a tyrant to lead you to power and success.”

“I- oh,” Severus stuttered, totally caught off guard by the compliments and completely uncertain how to respond to them. He rallied, though, when he realized with horror that he was being manipulated- and playing right into Dumbledore's trap. “I know what you're doing,” he said angrily. “You're trying to sway my allegiance from one tyrant to another.” 

James sucked in a sharp breath and Sirius gave a wordless cry of anger, beginning to rise to his feet before Dumbledore lifted a hand to stop him. Dumbledore looked at Severus steadily, his smile gone but his face calm and impassive. “You don't trust me, and I don't blame you. You've got no reason to. You've been told, probably your entire life, that I'm weak, sentimental, eccentric- maybe worse. You've been told I'm a Muggle lover and a blood traitor.”

Severus didn't respond, but he jutted his chin out stubbornly. It was true, all of it. 

Dumbledore's gaze was so sharp and intense Severus found it was almost like staring at the sun, to continue to look at him. “I do love Muggles, Severus, because they are as human as we are, despite the poor experiences you've had with them. 

“Perhaps I'm sentimental, and certainly I'm eccentric. But weak?” Dumbledore only smiled knowingly, and Severus shuddered a little, feeling the reverberations of the deep fear his fellow Slytherins had infected in him rise up. “Well, you know better, don't you? But I'm not a tyrant. It is true I lead the fight against the Dark Lord, but those who follow me do so willingly. No one who does not wish to fight is required to do so. Unlike the Death Eater's policy, if you are not with me you are not necessarily against me. Only those who follow the Dark Lord need fear me.”

“I'm not afraid of you,” Severus muttered, though he still felt shivery and unsettled, to have so much attention from the man directed at him.

Dumbledore's expression was hard to read and Severus was not brave enough to attempt Legillimency. “I hope you never have reason to, Severus.”

*

James was tender with him that night, his touch gentle and his hands everywhere, as if unable to hold him close enough or touch enough of him. “May I fuck you?” James asked breathlessly in his ear. 

Severus said no more than he said yes to that request, so it was gratifying to see the delighted surprise on James' face when he bit his lip and nodded.

James opened Severus up with his fingers slowly before sinking inside, his gaze intense and piercing above him. It felt good to finally give up his pride and let James penetrate him, somehow emotionally satisfying in an unexpected way. Severus wanted to use magic to see what was going on behind his eyelids, to see if James felt that way too, but stopped himself, making a silent resolution to not use those arts against James again. It wasn't right, or fair, and a part of him knew that whatever they had between them could never progress if he could not trust him. If James was his choice, then he was going to invest himself into it wholly, not partially. The opportunity to hold himself back, to protect himself, seemed to have passed without him even realizing.

When James was pressed deep inside he lowered himself until their chests brushed and he was close enough to drop light, gentle kisses down on his mouth. Severus lifted his arms and draped them loosely over his back, keeping him near but not forcing him. 

James rested their cheeks together and rocked into him slowly, savoring the act and prolonging it. 

It made his toes curl with pleasure and his body hum with contentment, but it wasn't hard enough to turn his mind off. Finally he turned his lips to James' ear and whispered the thing that had lingered at the back of his mind the entire day, despite the anxiety of their meeting with Dumbledore and his fear over his part in the plan to save Regulus from the Dark Lord. “You told Black you loved me,” he whispered, and James froze above him. Severus wondered if he'd made the wrong choice, bringing it up. Had it just been something James had said, to pacify his friend? He emotionally closed himself off immediately, readying for rejection.

James pushed back into Severus' body slowly, but pulled his head back enough to look into his face. He searched his dark eyes. “Is that okay?” he asked, surprising Severus. 

He blinked, stomach jumping and heartbeat racing. “You love me?” he asked, realizing he'd expected to be contradicted.

James' gaze skittered away and his hips stilled, snugged deep within the cradle of his hips. “I think so. I can't stand the thought of you in danger, or you leaving me, or you being with anyone else. I think about you all the time, and when you aren't with me I want you to be.”

Severus bit his lip, now almost in physical pain with the need to take just a peek into James' mind, to judge his sincerity. James moved above him, hips slow and deliberate, but he continued to look down at Severus, not giving him a chance for privacy to sort through his feelings.

“You haven't asked if I loved you,” he pointed out, because it was his understanding of these things that one declaration demanded another. God knew there was hell to pay in Severus' household if Father told Mum he loved her and Mum was crying too hard to reply.

James looked at him sharply. “You aren't supposed to ask,” he said, as though this were common knowledge Severus had somehow managed to miss. “You either tell me or you don't, that's all.”

“I... don't know. I've never- there's hasn't been very... many people I've... cared about,” he stuttered to a halt finally.

James nodded and continued to thrust into him gently, just enough stimulation to keep them hard, but not even close to making them come. “I know, I was your first,” he said as though Severus was too inexperienced to know his own feelings, though Severus had it on good authority that James may have got a few snogs in with girls, but he'd been a virgin too before Severus.

“I don't mean like that,” he snapped and James gave a chuckle at his impatient tone. “I just... my parents are not... like yours. Growing up, I mean. It was. Not good. Between them and...” He didn't know how to describe it, how he couldn't interpret love because he'd never seen it, been raised around it, or been taught it. “And I was alone most of the time until I met Lily...”

James made a sound like he may have been punched in the gut. “You're in love with Lily,” he said dully, in a tone of voice that was flat but not shocked, as though a deep fear of his had been confirmed.

“No!” Severus said hastily, and clamped his thighs around James' sides to keep him from backing out and away, as the tension in his muscles seemed to indicate. “Becalm yourself, Potter. I'm not in love with Lily. But she cared about me when... no one did.”

James was looking at him with confusion and sorrow, but also resignation, as though he didn't quite believe him. “How can I compete with that? I treated you like shit the first five years I knew you.” 

“More than five years,” he pointed out primly, not wanting the few months he'd spent being bent over and fucked at night while James played tricks on him during the day to be trivialized. “I know you like girls too,” he said, trying to explain it from another angle. “But I don't. I don't have sexual feelings for women.”

James relaxed a little. “But how do you feel about me?”

“I told you that I didn't know!” Severus knew he hadn't done a good job of explaining, and had probably made James even more confused and uncertain than before, but how could he explain to someone like James that he'd known so little love in his life that he wasn't sure he'd know what it was, even if he felt it? “I don't know... how.”

“It's okay,” James said, gently now. “I'll show you,” he whispered, and Severus thought maybe James had understood him better than he'd given him credit for. James leaned down to kiss him again and they rocked together, their bodies swaying in tandem, slowly and tranquilly until the end, when their movement became fast and quiet hums of appreciation turned into harsh cries of pleasure. 

*

Severus and James breathed softly under the sheets, savoring the last few moments they had alone before Severus had to pack up his things to return home. He'd entertained fantasies of staying the rest of the summer with the Potters, but Sirius' arrival had put an end to that. Even if he'd been invited (he hadn't) he knew that another month in Sirius' company was as likely to end in death and destruction as not. 

He worried, though. He could only imagine the poison Sirius would drip into James' ear in Severus' absence. Would he turn James against him? How could he protect James against his influence?

James was awake, but his eyes were closed. Feeling a little panicked, Severus leaned forward and kissed him, demanding his attention. “Will you stop loving me when I'm not here?” he asked, honestly curious and more than a little insecure. “Black is going to try to turn you against me.” 

James' eyes popped open wide before narrowing wearily. “Don't give me much credit, do you?” he said, voice husky with sleep.

Severus didn't know what to say, so he stayed silent, only watching James and willing himself not to use Legillimency against him.

James propped his head on one hand and stared bashfully at Severus' clavicle. The emotional side to their relationship was still painfully new, for both of them. “I'm not going to stop loving you.”

Severus breathed out slowly, willing himself to have a little faith in James. He still wasn't sure how he felt about James, if the tightness in his chest was tenderness and love, or anxiety and possessiveness, or if all the emotions coalesced to mean love. “I might...” he began, before his natural reticence slammed on the brakes before he could make any declarations he wasn't ready for. “I'm going to look forward to seeing you at school,” he finished instead, prim and dispassionate.

James seemed satisfied enough though. He twitched a shoulder and smiled bemusedly. He looked ready to say something else, before he hesitated, clearly feeling he'd put himself on the line enough. He changed tracks swiftly. “You know, I'm surprised you never asked me what I was talking about. You know, in the Room of Requirement. The thing I was going to teach you?”

Severus' lips parted and he caught his breath, realizing he'd almost given himself away. He knew what James had been referring to, and the reason why, but it had been impossible to reveal what he knew. Much as he'd wanted to crow to the school that Remus Lupin was a dangerous werewolf who roamed the full moon with his animagus friends, doing so would cost him his relationship with James. He was ultimately a selfish person, and had kept his bed curtains locked and his mouth shut on the full moon. He closed his mouth. “I forgot,” he said cautiously.

James bit his lip, before scrambling out from under the covers and standing in the middle of the room, naked and pale. He kicked a few articles of clothing out of the way, and gripped his wand in one hand. “Okay,” he said nervously, then brought his wand down on a silent spell. Severus watched in fascination as James shimmered and morphed, expanding until fur sprouted from his skin and antlers bloomed from his elongating forehead. A stag, young but large and strong, stood before him, head bowed a little in the small room's confines.

“Shit,” Severus breathed, not even having to feign amazement. He'd seen the knowledge in James' head, seen the reflection through James' eyes in the Great Lake, but seeing him in person was truly astonishing. Against his better judgment, Severus crawled out of bed as well, creeping closer until he was near enough to reach out a hand. He paused before touching, though, and James moved his head up to bump his nose against Severus' palm. His moist nose nuzzled his hand for a moment before James took a step back, shook his head, and morphed back into a boy. He was grinning, clearly delighted to show off.

“Well. Shit,” Severus said again, speechless for once, and James launched himself against him, laughing.

“I know you have a hundred questions, but let's just fuck first. Transforming into the stag makes me horny.”

Severus was too distracted by James' mouth to realize the horrible joke at first, but one suspicious look at James' face told him it hadn't been an innocent turn of phrase. “I just lost all respect for you,” he said seriously, but James just laughed and pushed him onto the bed.

“Come on, Sev, you don't know how long I've waited to say that,” he said, clambering up onto the boy to straddle his hips. 

Severus, forgetting for the moment his imminent departure and the dangerous job to save Regulus he'd been tasked with, grinned up at him unreservedly. “Are you going to mount me?” he teased.

James propped himself over Severus, smiling back gleefully. “Oh yeah, it's mating season.”

Severus groaned in mock disgust. “Merlin save me,” he said, but squirmed under James so he could roll onto his stomach and knees. His arse pressed back against James groin and he shot a coy look over his shoulder. “Well?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had these parts written for a while now, but I got stuck when it came to the actual plot element involved. Smut I can write all day long. Plot? Not so much. But I know many of you have been waiting a long time for this to be updated, and though it ends on something of a cliffhanger, it does give you some resolution. I'm writing more as we speak, and at the least an epilogue type chapter will be added soon, where James visits Severus in Spinner's End and "meets" his parents. There's a lot more story to tell after that, and I plan to write it this summer. In the meantime, I hope those of you who have followed and commented on this fic enjoy it. I can honestly say I probably wouldn't have bothered to continue it without the nice comments I've gotten from the readers. It's nice to know that when you take time to write something and send it out into the world that someone is actually reading it! Thank you!


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